Perfect day for a woman:

8:15     Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30     Weigh 5 Ibs. lighter then yesterday.

8:45     Breakfast in bed,
           fresh squeezed orange juce and croissants.

9:15     Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.

10:00  Light workout at club with handsome,
           funny personal trainer.

10:30  Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.

12:00  Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.

12:45  Notice ex-boyfriend's wife,
           she has gained 30 Ibs.

1:00     Shopping with friends.

3:00     Nap.

4:00     A dozen roses delivered by florist.
           Card is from a secret admirer.

4:15     Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage.

5:30     Pick outfit for dinner.
           Primp before mirror.

7:30     Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00  Hot shower.
           Alone.

10:30  Make love.

11:00  Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11:15  Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

Perfect Day for a Man :

6:00       Alarm.

6:15       Blowjob.

6:30       Massive dump while reading the sports section.

7:00       Breakfast.
             Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.

7:30       Limo arrives.

7:45     Blody Mary en route to airport.

8:15       Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.

9:30       Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45       Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.

11:45      Lunch.
             2 dozen oysters on the half shell.
             3 Heinekens.

12:15      Blowjob.

12:30      Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.

2:15       Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis.

2:30       Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.

3:15       Late afternoon fishing excursion
             with topless female crew.

4:30       Catch world record light tackle martin - 1249 Ibs.

5:00       Jet back home.
             En route, get massage from naked supermodel.

7:00       Watch CNN Newsflash.
             Clinton resigns.

7:30       Dinner.
             Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon,
             20 Oz. New Yourk strip.

9:00       Relax after dinner with
             1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.

10:00      Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs.

11:00      Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45      Go to bed.

11:50      Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart.
             Watch the dog leave the room.

11:45      Laugh yourself to sleep.

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