The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked,
"What's on the TV ?"
In the beginning,
God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives ?
They want to.
My wife and I are inseparable.
last week it took four state troopers and a dog.
What is the difference between a dog and a fox ?
About 5 drinks.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy ?
A beggar walked up to a well dressed
woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said
" I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said,
" Man, I wish I had your willpower."
Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife unil he marries her ?
That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified:
" Wife wanted ".
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
" You can have mine. "
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.
First guy (proudly):
" My wife's an angel !"
" You're lucky, mine's still alive."
How do most men define marriage ?
An expensive way to get laundry done for fee.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage,
men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen
and pay undivided attention to every world you say,
talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said,
" I never knew what real happiness was until I got married;
and then it was too late."
A little boy asked his father,
" Daddy, how much does
it cost to get married ?"
And the father replied,
" I don't know son, I'm still paying."
The bumper sticker read:
" I lost 250 pounds in one day,
I divorced her."
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut,
and still think they are beautiful.